Needy Oct 11 2008

I am sad today. I need to ask for prayer. Yesterday I experienced another episode of anaphylaxis, and the reality of making it through this for very long has hit myself and Mike extremely hard. My team of doctors decided yesterday, based on a poor liver function test, that there is another possibility for my severe reaction. Mastocytosis. Mastocytosis means that my histimine cells have changed at the very basic level and are killing my body. I will undergo a bone marrow biopsy on Tuesday the 14th to see. If it is, there is nothing more that they can do for me. I will continue with the treament regimen I am on (which is no walk in the park), but it is something to prolong my life. I also cannot get away from it; meaning that if I go to Indiana, it will still attack my body. If it is not Mastocytosis, then it is straight forward ABPA (Allergic Bronchopulmanary Aspergellosis). Ironically, I'm praying it is ABPA because I would have the possibility of living much longer and raising the boys. I won't be able to leave for Indiana until the 21st now because they want me to wait for the biopsy results in case we need to start some sort of chemo. Please pray for my "mast cells to be normal".

Mike has now been placed in a terrible position at work with a "mission critical" situation making it impossible for him to leave until the 25th of Oct. My 2nd part of my prayer request is this: everytime I have experience anaphylaxis, a doctor has been present to get me breathing again--either Mike, an Allergist or and ER doc. I am filled with anxiety about traveling without him by side. Mike understands, but wants me fly to get there sooner and out of the high aspergillus spores here. We need to know what we are supposed to do to transport me back to Indy.

3rd part of my prayer request: The last two times my throat has closed on me, I have started to panic. This is not good, because I need to stay calm and function wisely to get the shots in me and call 911. Please pray for me to supernatually remain calm. Please pray that God will over rule my natual response to not breathing.

The 4th part of my prayer request is this: I am asking for a miracle. I want complete healing. I want to raise the boys and school them. I don't want to see my children hurt and lose their mom. It was difficult yesterday when the Doctor directed me to have my will, ect. in order. The reality hit us hard. I am not afaird to die. Not in the slightest. I have complete peace over that. Standing there talking with Jesus--knowing that He loved me even through all my millions of mess-ups--knowing that He knows everything I ever did or said or thought and He still loves me--knowing that He wanted me to spend time with Him forever--I'm not afaird. I am sad though. I'm sad for the boys. Mastocytosis is horrible and quick, ABPA is chronic and eventual. Neither are good, but I would like to finish raising the boys because I love them so much. So I am asking for healing. Total and complete healing. I believe that if I am healed from this, who could deny the existence and mercy of God? But even if I am not, believe me, I know, that I know, that I know, He is real and He does everything for a purpose. We just may not know that purpose here on earth.

5th, please pray for Mike. I am sure he is quite worried. It is also a different lifestyle for him, because I am dependent on him; really for the first time in almost 21 years of marriage. I need him desparately. Until the last year 1/2 I have always been self-sufficient and completely in control of all aspects of running our home. He has more than risen to the challenge, but I do know he needs to be undergirded with prayer.

Finally, an immediate luxuery would be a reprieve from the nausea. The medication I'm on for the Aspergillus acts like chemo in it's side effects. While I have not much lost weight to the astronomical amounts of prednisone I am taking, I also have not been able to eat much. I am weak. Pray that I could regain some strength.

So, I was wondering if one of you guys would go talk to Mom and try to explain to her a little bit about what is going on. When I talk with her on the phone, I cannot tell if she is comprehending what I am saying. She might, but I feel like someone should talk to her in case they can't bring me out of anaphylaxis next time....in case God chooses, in His sovereignty, not to heal me. Believe me, I am in no way giving up or resigning myself to an early demise. I am being practical. I think Mom should know and understand. When people care, it is prideful not to share your burden and the truth of your circumstances. God hammered that home to me last week. So I'm laying down my pride. We are officially the "needy family" again. Humbling, but true.

Thank you for your prayers. I know I can count on you to lift us up. I know.

I love you,
Anne